As I journey through life, I see so many things. Some things touch my heart, some things leave a bad taste and others just leave memories- good and bad. All that I feel strongly about, I wish to jot down thru these pages of mine.... You are welcome to see this world through my eyes.
Monday, October 30, 2006
So much to write
I've got so much to write about...... and so little time..... blogged after a long time. Was on a day off...... Life hasn't been so particularly kind... Hmm...
TRYING TO GET MARRIED
Hmm..... In Asian society, you aren't complete unless you are married. You might be successful, you might be smart and you might have everything but you aren't anything unless you are married. I used to find all this quite crappy until some 4 years back. I was the studious kind, the workoholic kind and in trying to be these kinds, I lost my own kind somewhere..... I've lost sweet moments of my life just slogging at work and letting moments turn into hours, then days, then months and finally years!
When the need to have a partner dawned, it was already too late in Asian context. Of course, not one who believes in relationships outside marriage, I started my matrimonial search somewhere 3 years back. And let me tell you that these three years have been very painful part of my life. More painful than the slogging I do at work without much recognition!!!
You may wonder why. My first mistake was - starting my search late.... at the age of 26-27 years. In India, girls are married by 25 years approximately. But I was very scared of marriage and having to move to a new household and to be married to an unknown man. It was very scary thinking whether it will work out or not. So, I used to avoid the subject completely. Then when I actually started my search, I found it was equally difficult.
Not that I am not smart. And though, I am a little dusky, I've never been ugly or faced any discrimination on those grounds. But marriage is a different thing altogether!!! In the marriage market, you can get rejected on any grounds..... 'slightly dark', 'slightly obese', 'more modern', 'more traditional'... just anything. For someone you might be fat and at the same time you can be not too curvy for another. For someone, you might be too conservative while another will find you 'not traditional enough'. You start trying to fit here, there...... so if you try to fit into one mould, you will come across someone who will be looking for someone the other type. You lose a few pounds cause you are considered 'fat' and when you do so, you lose a proposal because you aren't chubby enough! These last 3 years, I've just been trying to fit into these so-called moulds and have lost my own identity. Though, we are Asians and are considered the 'coloured people' by some, our own people can reject you on any 'colourful' grounds (pun intended!). Then there are people, you put there name on matrimonial sites when they themselves are not sure of taking their own decisions. So, a person might accept and like you, but at the last moment, the family wants a slim, trim and very fair bride.... so if you aren't, you're out!
You might be educated, well settled in job, but that doesn't work..... cause you are a girl ! You have to have the right colour, the right figure, the right spark...... the right homemaker and lots more.... And you gotta be naughty and nice at the same time. For you can get rejected for not giving the right kinda naughty response when the first call is made!
Its so disgusting..... all this! Especially when you are into a stressful and long working hours kinda job. When you have limited time to give to such matters and people at the other end have all the time in the world to look for the 'perfect female' and sometimes at the end of it, marry the person of their family's choice!
What a waste!
When the need to have a partner dawned, it was already too late in Asian context. Of course, not one who believes in relationships outside marriage, I started my matrimonial search somewhere 3 years back. And let me tell you that these three years have been very painful part of my life. More painful than the slogging I do at work without much recognition!!!
You may wonder why. My first mistake was - starting my search late.... at the age of 26-27 years. In India, girls are married by 25 years approximately. But I was very scared of marriage and having to move to a new household and to be married to an unknown man. It was very scary thinking whether it will work out or not. So, I used to avoid the subject completely. Then when I actually started my search, I found it was equally difficult.
Not that I am not smart. And though, I am a little dusky, I've never been ugly or faced any discrimination on those grounds. But marriage is a different thing altogether!!! In the marriage market, you can get rejected on any grounds..... 'slightly dark', 'slightly obese', 'more modern', 'more traditional'... just anything. For someone you might be fat and at the same time you can be not too curvy for another. For someone, you might be too conservative while another will find you 'not traditional enough'. You start trying to fit here, there...... so if you try to fit into one mould, you will come across someone who will be looking for someone the other type. You lose a few pounds cause you are considered 'fat' and when you do so, you lose a proposal because you aren't chubby enough! These last 3 years, I've just been trying to fit into these so-called moulds and have lost my own identity. Though, we are Asians and are considered the 'coloured people' by some, our own people can reject you on any 'colourful' grounds (pun intended!). Then there are people, you put there name on matrimonial sites when they themselves are not sure of taking their own decisions. So, a person might accept and like you, but at the last moment, the family wants a slim, trim and very fair bride.... so if you aren't, you're out!
You might be educated, well settled in job, but that doesn't work..... cause you are a girl ! You have to have the right colour, the right figure, the right spark...... the right homemaker and lots more.... And you gotta be naughty and nice at the same time. For you can get rejected for not giving the right kinda naughty response when the first call is made!
Its so disgusting..... all this! Especially when you are into a stressful and long working hours kinda job. When you have limited time to give to such matters and people at the other end have all the time in the world to look for the 'perfect female' and sometimes at the end of it, marry the person of their family's choice!
What a waste!
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